Wednesday, January 12, 2011
Tuesday, January 4, 2011
I cried today.
I know. Shocker. Today was different though. It was unexpected. It was overwhelming. It was in public.
It all started when we arrived at storytime at our local library. We go (almost) every Tuesday. We see the same people. We do the same thing. Abby and Lilly love it.
Today though, was different. We saw lots of new faces...but in particular, four little faces that stuck out like bright stars in an otherwise dark sky. That's right, not one, but two sets of identical twin girls. They looked to be about the same age as Abby. One set was right in front of us, one just to the left. Wearing the same clothes and shoes, with the same hair, same eyes, same everything, I sat and wondered how their parents could tell them apart. As the storytime lady sang songs and read books I just sat and stared. I watched them dance together. Twirl together. I listened to them giggle the exact same little giggles. I watched them hold hands with eachother as they listened and watched intently.
And then I looked at Abby.
Dancing. Twirling. Giggling.
But doing it alone.
And I cried.
In public.
At storytime.
I stared at the parents wondering what they had been through. Had they been the lucky ones who didn't suffer from TTTS? Had they not been so lucky but their babies both survived that awful disease? Why did it happen to us? Why were we robbed of this baby we wanted so badly? Most importantly, why was Abby robbed of something so precious. A bond so rare. A lifetime spent with her identical twin sister.
And while I watched Abby dance and twirl and giggle alone, I pictured them both.
And I cried.
It all started when we arrived at storytime at our local library. We go (almost) every Tuesday. We see the same people. We do the same thing. Abby and Lilly love it.
Today though, was different. We saw lots of new faces...but in particular, four little faces that stuck out like bright stars in an otherwise dark sky. That's right, not one, but two sets of identical twin girls. They looked to be about the same age as Abby. One set was right in front of us, one just to the left. Wearing the same clothes and shoes, with the same hair, same eyes, same everything, I sat and wondered how their parents could tell them apart. As the storytime lady sang songs and read books I just sat and stared. I watched them dance together. Twirl together. I listened to them giggle the exact same little giggles. I watched them hold hands with eachother as they listened and watched intently.
And then I looked at Abby.
Dancing. Twirling. Giggling.
But doing it alone.
And I cried.
In public.
At storytime.
I stared at the parents wondering what they had been through. Had they been the lucky ones who didn't suffer from TTTS? Had they not been so lucky but their babies both survived that awful disease? Why did it happen to us? Why were we robbed of this baby we wanted so badly? Most importantly, why was Abby robbed of something so precious. A bond so rare. A lifetime spent with her identical twin sister.
And while I watched Abby dance and twirl and giggle alone, I pictured them both.
And I cried.
Monday, January 3, 2011
Resolution No. 3 - Cry it out
Somehow over the course of the last year, I became addicted to sleeping with Lilly. I know it's bad. I've talked to the pediatrician several times who reassured me that I will stop when I'm ready to stop. But I am, seriously, addicted. And I don't know how this happened considering I have never let Abby sleep with us. As soon as she got out of the hospital after her colostomy takedown she went right in her crib and has slept there ever since.
Anyhow, back to me and Lilly. My resolution number 3 is to take back my bedroom. I think it finally hit me that it was time when Abby walked by the master bedroom the other day, peaked in, pointed at the bed and said "Lilly's bed". That's when I realized it's been too long. It's gone too far. It has to stop. And dare I mention that Lilly still wakes up, like clockwork, at midnight and 3am for a bottle? She's a year old. I haven't slept through the night in a year. And it's totally my fault.
Ok. So last night was our first night. Getting to sleep was tough. It took 25 minutes and (surprisingly) only one glass of wine (for me, not her...just to clarify). And would you believe that she didn't wake up, at all, all night long? I finally woke at about 4:30am and couldn't believe it when I looked at the clock. I checked on her and she was fine. At about 5am she stirred a little-but nothing major. I on the other hand, struggled to get back to sleep. Nonetheless, the little stinker slept until 8am.
Holy. cow.
Tonight is our second night. She fell asleep in the recliner. I put her in her crib. She didn't make a peep. I'm not sure if it will be as good as last night, but here's hoping...
Anyhow, back to me and Lilly. My resolution number 3 is to take back my bedroom. I think it finally hit me that it was time when Abby walked by the master bedroom the other day, peaked in, pointed at the bed and said "Lilly's bed". That's when I realized it's been too long. It's gone too far. It has to stop. And dare I mention that Lilly still wakes up, like clockwork, at midnight and 3am for a bottle? She's a year old. I haven't slept through the night in a year. And it's totally my fault.
Ok. So last night was our first night. Getting to sleep was tough. It took 25 minutes and (surprisingly) only one glass of wine (for me, not her...just to clarify). And would you believe that she didn't wake up, at all, all night long? I finally woke at about 4:30am and couldn't believe it when I looked at the clock. I checked on her and she was fine. At about 5am she stirred a little-but nothing major. I on the other hand, struggled to get back to sleep. Nonetheless, the little stinker slept until 8am.
Holy. cow.
Tonight is our second night. She fell asleep in the recliner. I put her in her crib. She didn't make a peep. I'm not sure if it will be as good as last night, but here's hoping...
Sunday, January 2, 2011
New Years Resolution 1 - One Toy at a Time
We have a closet under the stairs. It's been, shall we say, a little bit of a catch-all as long as we've lived here. Sure it gets cleaned out and organized every six months or so, but even when it does, it quickly reverts back to it's rather embarrassing state. Lucky for us, it's rare that anyone other than immediate family even attempts to open the door. And lucky for us, our immediate family is kind enough not to comment.
If you are having a hard time imagining just how awful this closet can get, I'd liken it to Monica's closet in "the one with the secret closet" episode of Friends. If you don't remember that episode, here's a little reminder:
Things may not be piled up to the ceiling, but seriously...it's almost that bad.
My first resolution: one toy at a time, is being implemented because, let's face it, we have a rediculous amount of toys (and thanks the holidays and a December birthday) it's even worse now. And these toys seem to always. be. everywhere. Sure we put things away every night, but walking though our family room is like walking through a mine-field and if you are not wearing shoes, you could get hurt.
Back to one toy at a time...it required me cleaning out the closet in order to store all of the toys that are usually stacked, scattered, placed (not so neatly) different corners of the room. So, now, the plan is that the girls will take one toy at a time out of the closet to play, and then return that toy to it's proper place in the closet when they are done with it and want to play with something else. Sounds easy. We'll start today. And we'll just see how long it lasts.
But in case it doesn't last long...this is what the closet looks like today.
Up next: New Years Resolution #2 - A new haircut, or rather, a new. hair. style.
If you are having a hard time imagining just how awful this closet can get, I'd liken it to Monica's closet in "the one with the secret closet" episode of Friends. If you don't remember that episode, here's a little reminder:
Things may not be piled up to the ceiling, but seriously...it's almost that bad.
My first resolution: one toy at a time, is being implemented because, let's face it, we have a rediculous amount of toys (and thanks the holidays and a December birthday) it's even worse now. And these toys seem to always. be. everywhere. Sure we put things away every night, but walking though our family room is like walking through a mine-field and if you are not wearing shoes, you could get hurt.
Back to one toy at a time...it required me cleaning out the closet in order to store all of the toys that are usually stacked, scattered, placed (not so neatly) different corners of the room. So, now, the plan is that the girls will take one toy at a time out of the closet to play, and then return that toy to it's proper place in the closet when they are done with it and want to play with something else. Sounds easy. We'll start today. And we'll just see how long it lasts.
But in case it doesn't last long...this is what the closet looks like today.
Up next: New Years Resolution #2 - A new haircut, or rather, a new. hair. style.
Tuesday, December 28, 2010
New Year. New Blog. New Me.
The new year is just around the corner and personally, I can't wait! I'll be the first to admit that twenty-ten was not my best year.
The new blog is in addition to this one. I hope you will hop on over and check it out.
The new me? Well, there are a lot of things I want to work on personally...too many to list right now. I am a work-in-progress and I am sure if you keep following it's a corny life, and the new blog, you will see what I mean.
But, enough about me...how cute is this little one year old?
And this little two year old?
Seriously.
The new blog is in addition to this one. I hope you will hop on over and check it out.
The new me? Well, there are a lot of things I want to work on personally...too many to list right now. I am a work-in-progress and I am sure if you keep following it's a corny life, and the new blog, you will see what I mean.
But, enough about me...how cute is this little one year old?
And this little two year old?
Seriously.
Sunday, December 26, 2010
Wednesday, December 22, 2010
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