Random Thoughts By Mommy

You know all those chores I wasn't able to get to because one certain little girl has been monopolizing all of my time? The laundry, bills, grocery shopping, floor mopping, furniture dusting. Remember those? Yeah, well, they're still not done. I mean, I paid the bills and the critical laundry is done, but that's about it. Instead, I decided this weekend that I wanted to tackle a rather large project. And when I say large, I mean really big. Days-worth-of-work, big. Need-to-have-a-Grandma-here-to-watch-Abby-while-I-work-on-it, big. What is it, you ask? I'll show you a picture when I'm done, but here's a teaser.



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Speaking of my project, today is the perfect day to work on it. I mean, look at this weather.






But, my project will have to wait. I didn't schedule a Grandma today, and we have to go to the pediatrician for Abby's 5 month check-up this afternoon. We're a month behind too, because she will actually be six months old in less than two weeks. Wow. Six months. I can't believe it. Today her adjusted age is three months and six days. Since the colostomy is gone, she seems to enjoy tummy time a lot more, so we've been spending a lot of time this way.



She's also getting really close to rolling over. Or maybe tipping over is a better way to put it. But she tends to lean to one side and if we give her a little poke, over she goes! She doesn't seem to be a big fan of it now, but I am sure once she realizes that it will get her places, she is going to be doing it all the time.



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Oh, how I do love me a rainy day. Especially when I don't have to go out in it. But the doctor appointment is calling, so off we go!

Up, Down and a little a lot behind

Well, Abby's Upper GI/Small Bowel Follow-thru came back clean...no blockages! This IS great news. Only now we don't have an answer as to why everything she puts in her mouth comes pouring back out. More tests will have to be done and we are now being referred to a GI Specialist. It's likely the only explanation is really bad reflux. Some sort of PH test that involves a camera going in there will probably have to be done. We are trying to manage it with Zantac, but we had to stop giving her the Reglan. I don't know if any of you Moms out there have ever given your baby Reglan, but apparently one of the side effects is irritability. Umm...irritability??? I think that may be the understatement of the year. A better description of this side effect may be:

Your baby may suffer from massive bouts of crying fits that will last upwards of 3 hours. Baby will extend her legs with locked knees, arch her back, throw her head back as though it looks like her neck will snap right in two, arms will flail about as if independent from her body, she may scream and cry until she actually runs out of tears and she will become so hoarse that she will have almost no voice left. After about 3 hours, her fit will subside, baby will sleep for 15-20 minutes, and then REPEAT the tantrum. Warning: Tantrums may last for days, even if baby stops taking medication.

Hence, we have stopped the Reglan. Hence, the a lot behind part of the title of this post. Yes, our little Abigail has been a handful WAY beyond what anyone would think a little 13 pound baby is capable of. As a result, I am behind on everything. Laundry, clean and dirty, is everywhere. Furniture hasn't been dusted. Floors haven't been cleaned. Calls haven't been returned. Mail hasn't been opened. Grocery shopping hasn't been done. Most importantly, favorite blogs haven't been visited. Ummm, ok, so maybe not most importantly, but certainly something I want and need to do. I feel just awful for not having visited so many of the blogs I follow, as well as the bloggers that follow me. Especially after the support and prayers that have been pouring into my little corner of the cyber-world. I have even recently learned that while we were in the hospital, I was given 2 awards, both of which I can't wait to post about and of course, pass along to other deserving blogs.

Her Daddy will be home tomorrow and the 3 days after that. I plan to use those 4 days to get the important stuff done. You know...pay some bills. Buy some food. Catch up with my favorite blogs. But for now, it seems as though this 20 minute break between tantrums is coming to an end. The important stuff will have to wait...at least for the next 3 hours...

Ugh...

Spent last night in the ER. Got there at midnight and left at 6:30am. Abigail has been throwing up all weekend. They took some x-rays of her belly and the doctor thinks he saw a partial obstruction in her small intestines. Great. Just what the poor kid needs. So far all of her problems have been when her large intestine, so this will be a new one if he did, in fact, see correctly. They put an IV in her and gave her some fluids, and ultimately just sent us home with some additional reflux medication. So now she is on Zantac and Reglan. As for the possible obstruction, we go back to the surgeon on Tuesday for our post-op appointment. I am hoping he can look at the films and give us a second opinion. Regardless, I think it is time to push for a GI consult because something is definitely not right.

...I guess this chapter is not quite closed.

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I seriously wonder sometimes, how she can be so happy with all the crap she's been through...





well, happy most of the time.



Maybe I should take a lesson.

The 100th Post...Another Letter to My Daughter

Dear Abigail,

Wow. Where to begin with this one, I am just not sure. I could begin by telling you all about how hard it was to get you here. How hard YOU have fought, right from the very start. We had trouble getting pregnant and so underwent two rounds of invitro fertilization (I’ll explain what that is when you are older.) Anyhow, when it was time to take the pregnancy test my second time around, they told me I was pregnant, but would miscarry. After many more bloodtests, you and your sister (and 3rd sibling whom which we don’t know the gender) proved them wrong. At our 7 week ultrasound, we saw 3 beautiful babies inside of me, but sadly, one did not have a heartbeat. But you and Madison were going strong. The problem was, they didn’t see a membrane between you and your identical twin Madison, so they said we only had a 50 percent chance of you surviving.

A week later, they saw the membrane and gave you and Madison a much better chance. We progressed fine until you were 16 weeks old. That is when they told us that you and Madison were suffering from Twin to Twin Transfusion Syndrome. They said without treatment, you would both undoubtedly die. They offered us options, including terminating the pregnancy. But we knew, deep down, that we just couldn’t give up on you. And it was at this point that your Daddy and I decided that we had to do everything we could to save you and Madison.

We went to see a special surgeon, who said he could increase our chances of both of you being born healthy. So when you and your sister were 18 weeks old, I underwent surgery to correct the TTTS. I was awake for the entire procedure, and I witnessed the most amazing sight anyone could ever ask for. I saw you. And your sister Madison. In my womb. Right there on a big screen and in high definition. Now understand, there are not many mommies who get to see their unborn children quite in the way I got to see you, but to this day, I have a clear, vivid memory of the miracle I witnessed. And it is all the more special because I got an up-close and personal look at Madison. Something I will forever cherish and something I wish I could share with you and your Daddy.

We did great, the 3 of us, for 6 more weeks until suddenly, your sister Madison, died. We don’t really know why and probably never will. But you, my sweet angel…you fought on. I don’t know how you did it. For almost 5 more weeks inside of me you fought for your life. You had tiny amounts of amniotic fluid to keep you going. You had a heart arrythmia. You had to share your space, my womb, with your motionless sister, who was growing smaller everyday.

5 weeks and 4 days later, you decided that you would fare better outside my womb and I went into labor. I knew it was way to early for you to come…11 weeks too early, but you knew best. You knew you would do better once out of me.

And so, you were born. On August 24, 2008, you and your sister Madison were born. And as hard as you fought inside me, you would prove to be even stronger outside of me. For the first 2 days you looked great. But then your belly started to swell. They took you away by ambulance and I was crushed. Your Daddy split his time between your hospital and mine. On your 3rd day of life, your hospital called me and told me you were sick. That you were being sent right to surgery. Your daddy came running to you. He waited and waited. He was told you wouldn’t make it. He called me and told me my baby was very sick and would probably die. But you, my sweet angel, you proved them wrong. You fought tooth and nail and defied every odd. Yes, there were some complications. And yes, for the first 5 months you lived a somewhat “abnormal” life, with your colostomy and all. But you survived.

Last week, we took you back to the hospital. It was the hardest thing your Daddy and I have ever had to do. You underwent a grueling 4 hours and 7 minutes of surgery. As I handed you off to the nurse who walked you into the operating room, my heart broke. Into a million pieces. Those 4 hours and 7 minutes while you were away from me were the worst of my life. But once again, you proved your strength and courage. You healed faster than most. You my dear, have been through more in your short 5 months than many people go through in a lifetime. And your strength and determination just prove to Daddy and I that our fight when you were in my womb was SO well worth it.

I know you won’t understand exactly all that you have been through, even though you have the scars to prove it. And I hope when you are grown up and want to start a family of your own, that it will be easy. That you will carry your children to term. That you will never have to spend a minute in a place they call the NICU. It is a place I don’t wish upon anyone. I hope you always know how much you are loved. And I hope that someday you have the chance to love your own children the way that your Daddy and I love you.

Our pride cannot even be put into words baby. You truly are our miracle and we love and cherish every second of every day that we get to spend with you. You are tough. You are strong. You are a fighter. And we love you, sweet Abigail. More than you will ever know.

Love Always,

Mommy and Daddy

Operation Crib Update

First off, thanks to everyone for the diaper suggestions. I went through her closet and found a whole gaggle of different diaper rash creams...Desitin, Balmex, Johnsons Powder, A&D, Aquaphor, you name it, we have it! Seriously, I think I could open up my own pharmacy! Anyhow, I talked to the pediatrician last night and she said to keep using the 2 creams that the hospital sent us home with. One of them is Calmoseptine, the other a recipe of their own that includes an anti-fungal ingredient. So we are going with those and dusting some powder on top. We'll see how we do with that. Thanks for the heads-up on the wipe thing though! We had no idea not to use them. You would think the hospital would have mentioned it, but oh well. I am also trying to keep her diaper off as much as possible. As a matter of fact, she is asleep now, on her tummy, little red tushie naked in the air. Hopefully she will stay asleep for a while to air that little tushie out!

On to Operation Crib. Yeah. Remember my strategy? Cold-turkey when we get home from the hospital? Out of the PNP and into the crib? Well, on our first night home, I just didn't have it in me to put her in her own room where she had never slept before, so she slept on me. But last night? Last night I decided to try the crib. I put her in there at 8:30pm. Well guess what??? She slept straight through until 7am this morning! She didn't make a peep! I checked on her several times and she was just snoring away. And get this, she slept on her tummy the whole time! Thanks to the AngelCare monitor suggested by Beth and Machelle, we had the peace of mind to let her sleep on her tummy and look what it got us...an uninterrupted night's sleep.

And do you want to know the best part? As soon as I put her down, I went to bed too! That's right folks! In bed at 8:30, up at 7am too. I am more rested than I have been since back when I was on bedrest. Wahoo!!!

Home Sweet Home

We did it! Or should I say, she did it! We got sprung from the hospital last night and are thrilled to be home. 8 nights/9 days in the hospital are more than enough. It was very reminicent of my pregnant hospital bedrest days, except I was actually able to leave the room, although I didn't much.

Abby is doing very well. She has gone without Tylenol for over 24 hours now. I can't believe she isn't in tons of pain, looking at her incision and all, but she seems quite comfy. Well, except for our latest pain...diaper rash. Oh, and it's a doozy, let me tell you. We aren't surprised, seeing that her little bottom had never seen poop before. But seriously, her skin is starting to break down. Not good. We are armed with a couple of creams the hospital gave us and some Beaudreau's Butt Paste, none of which seem to be helping. We also just soaked her in some warm water with baking soda, but she hated it. We can't actually put her in the tub for another week or so. I have a call into the pedriatician to see if we can get something anti-fungal, but in the meantime, if any of you moms out there have some brilliant ideas, I'm all ears.

I must say, the love and support and prayers that have poured in have been overwhelming, to say the least. We are so thankful for our friends and family, near and far, and for the awesome bloggy-friends we have "met" along the way. You guys really do rock! Each and every one of you.

And check out this loot!



We came home from the hospital to find boxes of clothes sent by my awesome cousins H and H. Our little Abby will be dressed to the nines this summer, and I can't wait! The stuff you guys sent is adorable, so a big giant hug and thank you goes out to the CT fam. And that Build-A-Bear you all sent??? It's just too much! Abby loves it. We really can't thank you enough!

So that's it from here...for now. My 100th post is right around the corner! I guess I had better make it a good one!

I really can't wait to hear some advice from all of you awesome bloggy friends on the 'ole diaper rash, so bring 'em on!

She's Baaaaaack!

Her Abby-ness is back! Finally! It took a couple of days but she is really back to her old adorable self again. It's been a picture perfect recovery, for the most part. Aside from a few scary moments here and there, she's done great. They removed the NG tube from her nose Sunday morning and that really perked her up. The big moment came when I was holding her at 11pm Sunday night and all of the sudden...she pooped. I mean really pooped. If I didn't know better, I would have guessed that she had eaten her body weight in creamed spinach. (I had to share because I just know you were dying for a visual.) And yes, I did take a picture of that awesome diaper, but I think I will spare you such details.

And she's been a poopin' ever since! She started her clear liquids yesterday and tolerated them well, so this morning they finally let her have formula. First time in 8 days. She's a much happier baby with food in her. When this girl is hungry, she is not pleasant to be around. Hmmm...I wonder where she gets that?

It looks like we will likely be heading home tomorrow...assuming the rest of today goes as well as it has been. No reason to think otherwise, of course. So that's it from here for now. Next post will hopefully be from home! Yay!!!

Oh, and yet another lesson has been learned. Balloons. They can provide hours of entertainment! Who knew?!?!