Sunday, November 1, 2009
Saturday, October 31, 2009
Feeling better today
My pity party is over. I am done feeling sorry for myself. And even though yesterday it was hard to get out of bed in the morning, I was on my own with Abby, so I had to. We even got some errands done and made it to the park for a walk. With dark glasses of course to hide the puffy eyes.
Anyhow, today I feel better. I realize that God has a plan and I just have to play the hand I am dealt, as crappy as it may be. And Lord knows by now, I should be pretty darn good at playing these crappy hands.
I spoke with my OB last night and we have a new plan. Before our plan was to do an amniocentisis at 37 weeks and if baby girl's lungs were developed, do a c-section on January 30th. Our new plan is that I will now be admitted to the hospital on December 26th for bedrest, and baby girl will be delivered via c-section on January 15th. This is when I hit 35 weeks. We haven't discussed steroids yet, but I imagine they will be administered around the time I am admitted, just in case things don't go as planned. Not that something like that would ever happen.
In the meantime, we will go about our business. I will continue to see the peri every 2 weeks and we will continue to pray that my cervix cooperates and that I don't have to be admitted any sooner than the day after Christmas.
Now, I must go tend to my rather fussy, runny-nosed, sneezy little redhead, who happens to be at this very minute, well, miserable.
Thank you all for the comments and prayers. We have learned from past experience that the power of prayer is an amazing thing, so we appreciate every little ounce of help we can get.
Anyhow, today I feel better. I realize that God has a plan and I just have to play the hand I am dealt, as crappy as it may be. And Lord knows by now, I should be pretty darn good at playing these crappy hands.
I spoke with my OB last night and we have a new plan. Before our plan was to do an amniocentisis at 37 weeks and if baby girl's lungs were developed, do a c-section on January 30th. Our new plan is that I will now be admitted to the hospital on December 26th for bedrest, and baby girl will be delivered via c-section on January 15th. This is when I hit 35 weeks. We haven't discussed steroids yet, but I imagine they will be administered around the time I am admitted, just in case things don't go as planned. Not that something like that would ever happen.
In the meantime, we will go about our business. I will continue to see the peri every 2 weeks and we will continue to pray that my cervix cooperates and that I don't have to be admitted any sooner than the day after Christmas.
Now, I must go tend to my rather fussy, runny-nosed, sneezy little redhead, who happens to be at this very minute, well, miserable.
Thank you all for the comments and prayers. We have learned from past experience that the power of prayer is an amazing thing, so we appreciate every little ounce of help we can get.
Friday, October 30, 2009
Welcome to my Pity Party
Consider yourself warned...this is me, right in the middle of my very own full blown pity party. Read on, if you choose.
Today I hit what many consider a big pregnancy milestone, 24 weeks. That point in your pregnancy when, if, one did in fact have any trouble with their pregnancy, the baby is considered viable. Ahh, yes...viability. With my last pregnancy, we were thrilled to reach this milestone. That was, until 2 days later, our sweet baby Madison died.
Today is different. Although in the eyes of the medical world, yes, today my baby girl may be considered viable, but not to me. Nope. After spending 49 days in the NICU at CHOC with Abby, and seeing more than my share of 24 weekers clinging to life, under no uncertain terms, is having a 24 weeker acceptable. Not to me anyways.
There has been some anxiety for me these last few weeks, with the 24 week milestone approaching. Knowing that we breathed a huge sigh of relief when we hit it last time, and having our dreams of making it safely to this point completely ripped from us with the passing of Madison. With this pregnancy, I just wanted to get past this dreaded 24 week milestone unscathed. Safely. Without incident. Without hearing some sort of devastating news that could change the outcome of this pregnancy.
We have been really enjoying this pregnancy so far, especially it's lack of excitement. We go to the perinatologist every two weeks, looking forward each time to seeing a good cervical length measurement and a happy, healthy baby. And until this point, we have not been disappointed.
Until this point.
Now, let me remind you, in my very first post ever on this blog, I talked about my complicated pregnancy. I talked about our horrific diagnosis of Twin to Twin Transfusion Syndrome. I talked about how the doctors told us our odds if we didn't address the TTTS...a 95% fetal mortality rate. Remember?
So, back to this pregnancy. This seemingly normal pregnancy that we have been enjoying so much. The one that would end in a big, strong, healthy baby girl whose Mommy and Daddy would actually get to witness being born (general anesthesia and an emergency c-section prevented this last time). The one that would end with our sweet baby coming home with us on the same day I am discharged. Yeah...let's get back to this one.
Per the usual routine, we hopped in the car and off we went to our regular 2 week checkup with the perinatologist. After a long wait we were called back and as usual, all was looking good. My cervix was still measuring over 3cm, so there really wasn't anything to worry about.
After a few minutes, the tech mentioned something about a little bit of previa going on. No biggie. I've heard of that. Placental Previa. I think that sometimes corrects itself, but if not...well, I am not delivering vaginally anyways, so really, this is not a big deal. To confirm, she wanted to call the doctor in. Again...we are used to this, so I am still not worried. Doctor comes in. He watches the screen as she shows him what she's looking at. They talk a little medical lingo, and then he decides to sit down next to me and have a look for himself.
The technician leaves the room.
Now I know we are in some trouble. This is just all too familiar to us.
So I could go into details about what went on for the next 30 minutes during this exam. But I won't bore you (any more than I already have). Let's just say there was a lot of silence, a lot of anxiety, and ultimately, yet another could-be-devastating diagnosis. One that once again, we were told, 'if left untreated or undiagnosed, your baby will die'.
Yesterday, I was diagnosed with Vasa Previa, caused by a bilobal placenta. I will let you educate yourself on Vasa Previa, if you so choose. At this point I am just exhaused. Exhausted from all of the research that I have been doing on the internet. I am exhausted from crying over the fact that once again, my baby could be in grave danger if we don't manage this appropriately. I am exhausted from crying over the fact that once again, I have been robbed of a "normal" pregnancy.
I am tired of thinking about the fact that there is now a possibility that we won't get to witness our baby being born, if in fact, a now more likely emergency arises. I am tired from thinking about the fact that, under no uncertain terms, I face hospital bedrest at 32 weeks (or earlier if my cervix shortens to 2cm or I have any kind of preterm labor). I am absolutely exhausted from trying to figure out how I can possibly survive weeks of being without my Abby while I am in the hospital. Not putting her to sleep at night. Not waking up with her in the morning. Not comforting her when she cries. Not playing with her and reading to her. Especially with her being too young to understand where Mommy is and why she has been gone for so long. Especially with the 'no visitors under 16' rule in place at the hospital due to H1N1. I am tired of thinking about that fact that now, we most certainly face some sort of NICU time.
Now don't get me wrong. I am happy that we are in good hands. I am happy that our doctors are so competent and really, as far as I am concerned, the very best in the business. I am happy that this has been diagnosed and can be managed.
Yes, for these things I am and will continue to be happy and thankful.
But today?
Today, I am tired.
Today, I am puffy-eyed.
Today, I am in the middle of a pity party.
Today I hit what many consider a big pregnancy milestone, 24 weeks. That point in your pregnancy when, if, one did in fact have any trouble with their pregnancy, the baby is considered viable. Ahh, yes...viability. With my last pregnancy, we were thrilled to reach this milestone. That was, until 2 days later, our sweet baby Madison died.
Today is different. Although in the eyes of the medical world, yes, today my baby girl may be considered viable, but not to me. Nope. After spending 49 days in the NICU at CHOC with Abby, and seeing more than my share of 24 weekers clinging to life, under no uncertain terms, is having a 24 weeker acceptable. Not to me anyways.
There has been some anxiety for me these last few weeks, with the 24 week milestone approaching. Knowing that we breathed a huge sigh of relief when we hit it last time, and having our dreams of making it safely to this point completely ripped from us with the passing of Madison. With this pregnancy, I just wanted to get past this dreaded 24 week milestone unscathed. Safely. Without incident. Without hearing some sort of devastating news that could change the outcome of this pregnancy.
We have been really enjoying this pregnancy so far, especially it's lack of excitement. We go to the perinatologist every two weeks, looking forward each time to seeing a good cervical length measurement and a happy, healthy baby. And until this point, we have not been disappointed.
Until this point.
Now, let me remind you, in my very first post ever on this blog, I talked about my complicated pregnancy. I talked about our horrific diagnosis of Twin to Twin Transfusion Syndrome. I talked about how the doctors told us our odds if we didn't address the TTTS...a 95% fetal mortality rate. Remember?
So, back to this pregnancy. This seemingly normal pregnancy that we have been enjoying so much. The one that would end in a big, strong, healthy baby girl whose Mommy and Daddy would actually get to witness being born (general anesthesia and an emergency c-section prevented this last time). The one that would end with our sweet baby coming home with us on the same day I am discharged. Yeah...let's get back to this one.
Per the usual routine, we hopped in the car and off we went to our regular 2 week checkup with the perinatologist. After a long wait we were called back and as usual, all was looking good. My cervix was still measuring over 3cm, so there really wasn't anything to worry about.
After a few minutes, the tech mentioned something about a little bit of previa going on. No biggie. I've heard of that. Placental Previa. I think that sometimes corrects itself, but if not...well, I am not delivering vaginally anyways, so really, this is not a big deal. To confirm, she wanted to call the doctor in. Again...we are used to this, so I am still not worried. Doctor comes in. He watches the screen as she shows him what she's looking at. They talk a little medical lingo, and then he decides to sit down next to me and have a look for himself.
The technician leaves the room.
Now I know we are in some trouble. This is just all too familiar to us.
So I could go into details about what went on for the next 30 minutes during this exam. But I won't bore you (any more than I already have). Let's just say there was a lot of silence, a lot of anxiety, and ultimately, yet another could-be-devastating diagnosis. One that once again, we were told, 'if left untreated or undiagnosed, your baby will die'.
Yesterday, I was diagnosed with Vasa Previa, caused by a bilobal placenta. I will let you educate yourself on Vasa Previa, if you so choose. At this point I am just exhaused. Exhausted from all of the research that I have been doing on the internet. I am exhausted from crying over the fact that once again, my baby could be in grave danger if we don't manage this appropriately. I am exhausted from crying over the fact that once again, I have been robbed of a "normal" pregnancy.
I am tired of thinking about the fact that there is now a possibility that we won't get to witness our baby being born, if in fact, a now more likely emergency arises. I am tired from thinking about the fact that, under no uncertain terms, I face hospital bedrest at 32 weeks (or earlier if my cervix shortens to 2cm or I have any kind of preterm labor). I am absolutely exhausted from trying to figure out how I can possibly survive weeks of being without my Abby while I am in the hospital. Not putting her to sleep at night. Not waking up with her in the morning. Not comforting her when she cries. Not playing with her and reading to her. Especially with her being too young to understand where Mommy is and why she has been gone for so long. Especially with the 'no visitors under 16' rule in place at the hospital due to H1N1. I am tired of thinking about that fact that now, we most certainly face some sort of NICU time.
Now don't get me wrong. I am happy that we are in good hands. I am happy that our doctors are so competent and really, as far as I am concerned, the very best in the business. I am happy that this has been diagnosed and can be managed.
Yes, for these things I am and will continue to be happy and thankful.
But today?
Today, I am tired.
Today, I am puffy-eyed.
Today, I am in the middle of a pity party.
Sunday, October 25, 2009
What we've been up to lately
What a busy weekend. Yesterday we had a garage sale. Ugh. Those things are so much work. I was exhausted by noon...but we sold a lot of stuff that we just didn't need anymore. I think we are going to try and have another one in a couple of weeks to hopefully sell the rest of what we didn't sell yesterday. We might have it at Brian's parents' house though, a different neighborhood with a different crowd.
Today was a baby reunion CHLA for our Maternal Fetal Medicine specialist. He's the one who operated on me at 18 weeks pregnant with Abby and Madison. As much as I wanted to take Abby and show her off, I just didn't think I was ready to handle it emotionally. That doctor has a great success record of saving both twins suffering from TTTS, and I just didn't think I was up for seeing all those little pairs of babies, since I wouldn't be bringing a pair. Maybe next year I will be in a better place and will be ready to face the music. Since we skipped that, we took Abby to the Irvine Park Railroad. Unfortunately the line to ride the train was over an hour long, so instead we just walked around the park. Abby saw ducks and ponies, and we checked out the pumpkin patch. She sure is liking her freedom now that she is walking/running around everywhere. I could sit and just watch her for hours as she explores her newfound freedom.
We had a little scare last weekend with my Mom. After several days of her having flu-like symptoms, she was feeling so sick we thought it best to take her to the ER. I am completely paranoid of the swine flu and so of course, was convinced she had it. Luckily it wasn't the flu, but unfortunately she was sick enough that she was admitted and spent a few days recovering in the hospital from what turned out to be a nasty kidney infection that ended up causing some other complications. They got everything under control and she was discharged on Monday. I think she's back to 100%now, thank goodness.
We are excited about Halloween this weekend. Abby is dressing up as Winnie The Pooh. If you know me at all, this should come as no surprise. I happen to LOVE Pooh. Her costume is adorable and I can't wait to get her all dressed up. In the meantime, we will just enjoy this 80 degree weather we are having. I'm not sure how much longer it will last.
So, I can't believe we only have 12-13 weeks left before baby girl will be here. Technically, I have 17 weeks until my actual due date, but the OB and Peri plan on taking her sometime between weeks 36 and 37. I hope it's closer to 37 so that it will be less likely she will have to spend time in the NICU. It's crazy to think how quickly these next 3 months will go, with the holidays and all. I'm just hoping things keep quiet like they have been so far.
Ok, enough blabbering for now. I will leave you with some pictures of my best girl at the park today.
Today was a baby reunion CHLA for our Maternal Fetal Medicine specialist. He's the one who operated on me at 18 weeks pregnant with Abby and Madison. As much as I wanted to take Abby and show her off, I just didn't think I was ready to handle it emotionally. That doctor has a great success record of saving both twins suffering from TTTS, and I just didn't think I was up for seeing all those little pairs of babies, since I wouldn't be bringing a pair. Maybe next year I will be in a better place and will be ready to face the music. Since we skipped that, we took Abby to the Irvine Park Railroad. Unfortunately the line to ride the train was over an hour long, so instead we just walked around the park. Abby saw ducks and ponies, and we checked out the pumpkin patch. She sure is liking her freedom now that she is walking/running around everywhere. I could sit and just watch her for hours as she explores her newfound freedom.
We had a little scare last weekend with my Mom. After several days of her having flu-like symptoms, she was feeling so sick we thought it best to take her to the ER. I am completely paranoid of the swine flu and so of course, was convinced she had it. Luckily it wasn't the flu, but unfortunately she was sick enough that she was admitted and spent a few days recovering in the hospital from what turned out to be a nasty kidney infection that ended up causing some other complications. They got everything under control and she was discharged on Monday. I think she's back to 100%now, thank goodness.
We are excited about Halloween this weekend. Abby is dressing up as Winnie The Pooh. If you know me at all, this should come as no surprise. I happen to LOVE Pooh. Her costume is adorable and I can't wait to get her all dressed up. In the meantime, we will just enjoy this 80 degree weather we are having. I'm not sure how much longer it will last.
So, I can't believe we only have 12-13 weeks left before baby girl will be here. Technically, I have 17 weeks until my actual due date, but the OB and Peri plan on taking her sometime between weeks 36 and 37. I hope it's closer to 37 so that it will be less likely she will have to spend time in the NICU. It's crazy to think how quickly these next 3 months will go, with the holidays and all. I'm just hoping things keep quiet like they have been so far.
Ok, enough blabbering for now. I will leave you with some pictures of my best girl at the park today.
Monday, October 12, 2009
What a difference a year makes
It is hard to believe, but today we are celebrating the one year anniversary of Abigail coming home from the hospital. She was 7 weeks old when she came home, and was tipping the scales at about three and a half pounds. Remember her then?
And now, well...now what can I say. She's a 23 pound, healthy, happy little girl who is exceeding everyone's expectations and doing everything that a healthy, full-term 13 month old would be doing. What a miracle!
And now, well...now what can I say. She's a 23 pound, healthy, happy little girl who is exceeding everyone's expectations and doing everything that a healthy, full-term 13 month old would be doing. What a miracle!
Friday, October 9, 2009
Nothing to talk about...really
I don't really have anything exciting to say, but I feel like I haven't been a very good 'blogger' lately. Don't get me wrong, I've been out reading all of my favs, just haven't done much posting or commenting these days. Could it be that I am just over the whole blog thing?
Anyhow...all is well over here in the corny life. Abby is doing awesome, as usual. She is just about walking all over the place now, although once she falls, she prefers to just crawl the rest of the way. She still can't get to a standing position without holding onto something, but she's very close. I would imagine that as soon as she can do that, the crawling will be history. I really can't wait for her to be running all over the place. I don't know why really because I know it just means more running for me, but it just seems like life will be easier with her as a walker. And maybe I'll be more inclined to get out more often, knowing she isn't going to want to drop to her hands and knees and get filthy dirty everywhere we go.
I've been trying to spend some time getting the 'ole wine business going. I think I have been feeling somewhat guilty for not making much of a financial contribution to our family right now, and with the holidays and another baby on the way, I am feeling kind of down about it. I put it all on the back burner when I found out I was pregnant and then summer was so busy that I didn't have much of a chance to work on it. But now I am in full swing, and trying to get my business going. Speaking of...if anyone has any success tips about direct selling, I'm all ears! Or better yet...if you enjoy a glass of wine every now and again, check out our awesome wine club at www.mybranchofthevine.com!
As for my pregnancy, I am 21 weeks today. Without looking a gift horse in the mouth I must say, this pregnancy has been SO easy. Although I guess with what I have to compare it with, anything would be easy. I did have a couple of days of mass panic about 4 weeks ago that resulted in me buying a doppler on eBay. So it's been nice to hear the little peanut's heartbeat every night when I go to bed. We lost Madison at 24 weeks 2 days, and I would imagine as that time approaches in this pregnancy, my anxiety will once again rise. After we lost Madison, I rented a doppler and was only able to use it for 3 days before I was hospitalized for the duration of my pregnancy, and I was going to rent again, but when I did the math, it was cheaper to buy one, especially since when I am done with it, I can turn around and resell it on eBay...hopefully recouping most of what I paid for it.
So Abby is sleeping right now...in her high chair. It seems that our new routine involves her passing out half-way through dinner. I mean literally falling asleep in her plate. This is about the 3rd night in a row she's done it. She'll only sleep for a half an hour or so, and then will be up until about 9pm or so. At least right at the moment it's giving me a chance to do something productive. Ok, so maybe not so productive, but who cares, right?
Well, I guess for not having anything to talk about, I've done a lot of talking! So for now, I will sign off and spend the rest of Abby's naptime catching up with all of my other favorite blogs...
Anyhow...all is well over here in the corny life. Abby is doing awesome, as usual. She is just about walking all over the place now, although once she falls, she prefers to just crawl the rest of the way. She still can't get to a standing position without holding onto something, but she's very close. I would imagine that as soon as she can do that, the crawling will be history. I really can't wait for her to be running all over the place. I don't know why really because I know it just means more running for me, but it just seems like life will be easier with her as a walker. And maybe I'll be more inclined to get out more often, knowing she isn't going to want to drop to her hands and knees and get filthy dirty everywhere we go.
I've been trying to spend some time getting the 'ole wine business going. I think I have been feeling somewhat guilty for not making much of a financial contribution to our family right now, and with the holidays and another baby on the way, I am feeling kind of down about it. I put it all on the back burner when I found out I was pregnant and then summer was so busy that I didn't have much of a chance to work on it. But now I am in full swing, and trying to get my business going. Speaking of...if anyone has any success tips about direct selling, I'm all ears! Or better yet...if you enjoy a glass of wine every now and again, check out our awesome wine club at www.mybranchofthevine.com!
As for my pregnancy, I am 21 weeks today. Without looking a gift horse in the mouth I must say, this pregnancy has been SO easy. Although I guess with what I have to compare it with, anything would be easy. I did have a couple of days of mass panic about 4 weeks ago that resulted in me buying a doppler on eBay. So it's been nice to hear the little peanut's heartbeat every night when I go to bed. We lost Madison at 24 weeks 2 days, and I would imagine as that time approaches in this pregnancy, my anxiety will once again rise. After we lost Madison, I rented a doppler and was only able to use it for 3 days before I was hospitalized for the duration of my pregnancy, and I was going to rent again, but when I did the math, it was cheaper to buy one, especially since when I am done with it, I can turn around and resell it on eBay...hopefully recouping most of what I paid for it.
So Abby is sleeping right now...in her high chair. It seems that our new routine involves her passing out half-way through dinner. I mean literally falling asleep in her plate. This is about the 3rd night in a row she's done it. She'll only sleep for a half an hour or so, and then will be up until about 9pm or so. At least right at the moment it's giving me a chance to do something productive. Ok, so maybe not so productive, but who cares, right?
Well, I guess for not having anything to talk about, I've done a lot of talking! So for now, I will sign off and spend the rest of Abby's naptime catching up with all of my other favorite blogs...
Saturday, October 3, 2009
Gap Contest - Vote for Abby
Vote for Abby here:
http://family.go.com/gapcastingcall/entries/itsacornylife/417481568/
And let me know if you entered your little one and we will go vote for you too!
http://family.go.com/gapcastingcall/entries/itsacornylife/417481568/
And let me know if you entered your little one and we will go vote for you too!
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)