Well, the day has come. It’s been lurking out here for months. I’ve been avoiding it. And honestly, the day actually came…and went…8 days ago. November 10, 2008. Abigail and Madison’s due date. I knew from the get-go it was a date I likely wouldn’t actually get to with my pregnancy, but I certainly had hoped I would get close.
Most people probably won’t even notice, and for most it is probably not a big deal. But to me, it is a huge deal. It’s my ticker. That pesky little ticker that was counting down the number of days until “Corny’s Twins” were due. The one that constantly reminds me of how early they arrived. Eleven weeks and one day, to be exact. The one that constantly reminds me of what we have lost. And the one that constantly reminds me of what we have been blessed with. The odds she has defied. The fight she has endured. The miracle that is our precious little Abigail. And our forever Guardian Angel, Madison.
So today it’s finally gone. I’ll replace it with another ticker soon. I just have to decide what I want to count to now. Maybe the days left until Christmas…although I’m in denial that the holidays are upon us, as I am totally unprepared. So that might be too depressing. Or maybe I’ll get one of those cute ones that counts Abigail’s “days old”. Maybe I should go on a diet and count the number of pounds I want to lose. Ha! Who am I kidding! THAT will never happen. I don’t know. I’ll think of something. Who knows...maybe someday by the good graces of God, (or at least an infertility specialist), I will be able to have another pregnancy ticker on my blog. But for now, I must let it go.
6 comments:
I have been watching that ticker, watching it count down to the day that was their mother nature day. I knew from our talks it wouldnt be the day the doctors would decide on and I knew it wouldnt be the day that God decided on. I have watched it go past the date and start to count your over due days. I have wondered about how you might be feeling about that day. I think we spoke briefly about it to just about a week ago. I still didnt get a good sense of how you might be feeling. I cant imagine what you might have been feeling. I am just glad that you have done with that ticker what you needed to do, that is what is most important. Taking care of your heart and mind is important for Abigail and I am sure you are well aware that healthy mom makes healthy baby. Oh what a time you have had but to look at the blessing you have recieved is truly something to rejoice. I continue to pray for you, your family and God's continued grace in your healing. I am thinking that you will add a ticker counting down to her one year birthday and then soon enough there will be a ticker for us all to see and to wish you well on the second journey to motherhood. Take care my bff and hugs to all. ML
You've got all my thoughts and prayers. I know exactly what you mean by the due date arriving. I so don't look forward to 2 dates, one of them the due date, the other I'm sure you can figure out.
Abby is truly a miracle and she absouletly has Madison as her gaurdian angel - sometimes God doesn't give us the miracles we hope for, but he does give us miracles that will forever change our life in the absolute and very best of ways:)
On another note... I have a ticker(on my iVillage board) that tracks Braydon's age and I think it's pretty cute. Also, not sure if you're interested but there are tickers that count the time that your baby Madison became your family's gaurdian angel... just a thought.
Bless you...
Corny Nov 10 will always be in your memories as Oct. 8 will be in mine. You have such a blessing in your life and your other little one will be waiting for you in Heaven. I would say to count to their birthday or just how old they are. And yes, someday you may add to your family but that is between you and God and it would be another blessing in you and your husbands lives. I can not imagine what you are going through but I pray the days get easier for you and just look at your little one and here soon she will smile at you and call you mama!
How about a countdown until Abigail's birthday? That would be really cute, I think.
You are in my thoughts tonight...I am sure this was a very hard day. I understand that completely; my one year anniversary of my loss is coming on Dec. 12th, and I am just dreading it.
And, for the record....the ticker is a very big deal.
Stacie,
We too have watched that ticker and thought often of the four of you. I cannot imagine the pain of your loss of Madison. It is a tragedy no parent should ever have to encounter. We are so sorry you have had to.
We are so thankful for the miracle you have in Abigail. She is truly a daily miracle and we are so glad you have her.
Good luck in your search for a new ticker. May you enjoy each day as you count something new.
We keep praying for Abby and you guys.
xoxo,
Mark, Kristin, and Luke
Dates. They can be our bestfriend or our worst enemy. I have several that I will ALWAYS remember, no matter how much time passes. It's even harder when Abby hits major milestones and Madison should be doing the same. I feel that everyday with Aubrey. It's bitter sweet. It's okay to grieve for what should have been but also celebrate the accomplishments of today.
Thinking of you. ((hugs))
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